Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
