I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
