Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
