I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
