I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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