Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
