my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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