I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He better not be in your backpack
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
