I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
