When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
