you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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