Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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