yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
