grandma shit on top of the toilet
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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