I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
