were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
