Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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