I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
