I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
