There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
