She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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