The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
pop tarts are not kleenex
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
