carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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