normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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