i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
