I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
