I hate your face
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Drunk is a universal language darling
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
