Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
