I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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