I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
