PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
