Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
