You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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