I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We smell like vodka and hangover
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