So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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