OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
