You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Can I color on your dick again?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
