When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
