some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
