We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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