So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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