Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
