I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
