I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
sarcasm needs its own font
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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