I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
