guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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