Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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