what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
