Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
