Don't you send me to vm
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
