I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
