i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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