I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
