I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
