he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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