At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
